An opinion on the review in the A.C.I.M. workbook of the following lessons:
135: If I defend myself I am attacked,
136: Sickness is a defense against the truth,
137: When I am healed I am not healed alone,
138: Heaven is the decision I must make.
What a concept, and yet it happens all the time. I am attempting to hold in my mind only what I think with God, and yet if someone comes along that I am having some sort of issue with, that concept goes through the roof hatch in a hurry. I start to hold in my mind what I don’t like about that person, why they are such a bother to me, and how I can best get away from them! Thoughts such as those are not what The Strength of mind would have me think. Even when I am fond of someone, and I enjoy their company, but they have something against me, I quickly come to a defense posture and protect my fragile identity, or my imagined one anyways. Of course, the more I defend, the more I am attacked. When I start shoving others around, and start going for control, I am really just screwing myself, because simply put, giving and receiving are the same thing. You reap what you sow. I can also add here that the same amount of energy exerted for defense, is proportionate to energy expended for attack! It is interesting to note that a countries defense budget, usually matches up with the war funding! When I think of it, I was paranoid for a lot of years, but I was so steeped in denial, I just thought it was normal to always be on guard. I was overly concerned of what “she or he, or them or us, were thinking about the special “me”. Today I am aware that what I think of others is more or less what I think of myself. The more that fantasy starts becoming real for me, that The Host of Hosts has no idea of, well,when I get caught up in that paranoia, suspicion, fear, crap its not a very good place to live, if at all. How could one lay claim to life if they are already dead?
In my sickness, and all illness is mental illness, which is just a defense against the Truth, I would become subject to infrequent temper tantrums, and I am surely not above having a hairy canary about multitudinous situations, people, places and things because they are not what I thought I wanted. Bear in mind that I could not perceive my own best interests anyways. Sick minds don’t heal sick minds. I can become very self-centred in this attitude, and this form of hallucination keeps me from the Truth. Just because I am taking subject matters that concern going beyond this world, does not denote that I am not in the world. The very reason I am here is because I am not all there. There is not one living soul on this earth that has not experienced these kinds of feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness and depression. I am happy to report now, in this moment, that everyone on this planet is taking their own Course in Miracles, and coming out of the dark. All of us go through the mysterious and gloomy dark sections to get to the light. Jesus makes that very clear in the Course I am taking, and of course He is always pointing the way. He doesn’t get me out of hell, but He does give me clear directions which way to go. I have free will, and neither will He, the Holy Spirit or God Herself will interfere with that. It is clearly an inside job. It is all up to the self (Self) that I choose to be. The only thing we have down here is the power of decision. The ability to choose once again.
There is a way to get “there” though, and this happens when I take the lessons I am given each day, whatever they are, and clear my mind, after investigation with Spirit, of the subtle thoughts of shame, guilt, and fear, and let my mind hold only what it think with God. God would not have any of His Children thinking of such illusory body thoughts that are terror based. The brain, which is just another part of the body, downloads these ideas from the dark side of the mind, and projects them onto the world that I would experience, senses those ugly markers, reroutes them, and makes them part of my belief system which I incorporate into my meaningless thoughts to send forth those tiny mad ideas again, and again. With mind training I am able to see these manifestations of negative aspects on the “outside”, and know that they are not out there, but emanating, developed, and sent out from my sick mind.
What is fascinating is that when these insane ideas are taken as real, they will literally make me sick, especially if I happen to know they are false, and so the “dark side” will try to keep me in this portable prison system, the body, by such bodily sensations as headaches, depression, gross body pains, dysfunctional organs, and all kinds of diseases from colds to cancer.
For me at least, at the beginning of “A Course in Miracles” journey, the more I uncovered the lies, and deceptions, it usually entailed me getting sick to keep me caught up in doubt. My dark side was trying to convince me that Heaven was a myth, and the body was real! These very uncomfortable distractions were often keeping me stuck because now my focus was on the world, and more specifically, my body.
When I started in earnest to be vigilant for the Truth, and not just talk the talk, but walk the walk, the path I was on got a lot more comfortable, and not so serious. Another thing I noticed almost all of the time was that there was nothing wrong with the world, and that God was in everything I sensed, simply because God was more and more in my mind. When I was healing I noticed frequently that people around me were healing too! Go figure! That was something I could not do, because most of my figuring and analyzing was paralyzing! I got to see that my intellect was very limited and constricted. It was then that I realized I was starting to watch “miracles” taking place right in my face, when with the help of my Higher Self I got out of the “body” penal complex. I started to recognize the “separation” from others was just another part of the tiny mad idea that I had enemies. How can someone have enemies in truth? The world that I had made was totally upside down! I started to get out of the “special” concept and started to know that we are all pretty much the same. Now I get to see that aspect of the “me” show up quite often, and I smile when Self Realization kicks in, and I have no desire to be unique, or better than.
Eventually, Heaven became the decision that I must make, and when I started “walking” on the path with my Mighty Companions, Trusting Friends, the Holy Spirit or Jesus, and developed a faith that works, most of these bodily concerns would just disappear. I would at first start to smile more often, and then learn to laugh once again at these silly little ghosts from nowhere.
In closing, I have lots of work that lies within and ahead, but I am aware that the Love of God is in me now, and I don’t have to try and “run” from anything. There is absolutely nothing outside of me that can hurt the Real Self that I am today. Not even the worst nightmare can bring me any harm. For myself, it is all about trust.
Have fun, and don’t stop until the Miracle happens! Leave a comment, love hearing from you.